jennifer and i used to cook together. it tasted so much better when i cooked with my sister. we're eleven years apart, though these days its as if we were never even a part of each others lives. maybe thats how she wants it.
i remember being 10 years old, and her going to the pool with me, in her hot pink bikini and discman. way before ipods were even a thought. she would fall asleep there under the california sun while michelle and i argued about pushing each other in the pool. i couldn't wait to be just like her. when i was 11, as a class assignment, i had to write about how i pictured myself in 10 years - and everything i described was just like jennifer.
i cooked spaghetti tonight. i've cooked spaghetti probably close to a thousand times, and never shed a tear. tonight, though, i remembered when she taught me about throwing butter in with the noodles.....and adding a particular "secret" seasoning. i remembered the day after thanksgiving, when mom and dad were at work, and her and i taught ourselves how to make fried bread, just like mom, only in the skillet instead of the fryer. that was my first experience with sizzling oil, but of course she shielded me with the dishtowel.
my sister barely knows me. i don't know anything about her anymore. damage has been done and sometimes i don't know if i want to know her now. but i know i miss the sister i had. its funny how our memories work - after all the pain she put me through - i only remember the good things about her tonight. thats how i want to remember her.
