but i gave you those wings.

my babies are growing up. and i like it. but i don't. for someone who has never been a mom, i must say, i can understand on some level that type of bond, that attachment.

i coach gymnastics. i have for about 11 years now. i have many reasons why i love the gym, and everything that comes with it. ranging from the fact that its what i'm passionate about to the deeper fact that its one remaining constant in my life. it's been there for me - those kids, the coaches, have always been there through the good and bad. its where i can go and forget about real life for about 2.5 hours. where 9 year olds become my best friends and the toughest issue i face is trying to explain to them who Nsync and Backstreet Boys are and why they are so much cooler than the jonas brothers.

i've been at my current gym for a little over a year now. i coach a pre-team class with melissa. these girls throw surprise parties for us. and attack us with hugs before class even starts. they inform us a little too much about their parents lives and honestly tell us how they really feel, whether we ask for their opinion or not. they like to poke me and watch my booty jiggle. they inform me that its silly i'm not married - because anyone would be lucky to marry me. they tell me i have pretty hair and then follow up with saying i'm the strangest teacher they've ever met. they like to remind me that my ex boyfriend is not smart, though they know nothing about him. they are the rare breed of people in this world that like to hear me sing and appreciate the songs i make up for them. and they remember every ridiculous story i've ever told them, though i have to remind them to point their toes. all the time.

they are amazing. sometimes i forget they are only 9. i taught them that they are strong, confident women - and they love to repeat this. and remind me that they are still only girls, not women, teacher chasity.

so, last night. the crushing news came disguised as a red headed coach with a very happy announcement. a happy announcement for little j-bug. not for me.

j-bug now qualifies for level 4. that means she gets to move up - all our hard work this past year has paid off. she gets to move up and compete! exciting! i really am excited. but sad. these are my children. my loves. that makes the total 4. we've moved up 4 of our girls since the start of the year.

i know what you're thinking. this is amazing. you're impacting these girls. you're helping them. you're teaching them and making them better. i know. i know all that. but allow me to be selfish for a moment. its such a depressing but exciting cycle - i'm there to make them awesome gymnasts. but then they become awesome and leave me. just like parents - they devote their lives to making us the way we are. and then we up and leave them.

i get it. mom, dad. i love you. i understand your pain. kind of.