can i be your awesome mistake

Kevin Fowler has a whole song dedicated to the best mistake he's ever made. Lee Ann Womack mentions that amidst all her wrong turns, she's right where she should be. Rascal Flatts hits you in the heart willing to relive every broken heart if it means they would be where they are now. And Gary Allan spends 4 minutes and 32 seconds detailing the different mistakes he's made and wraps up so bare and raw, honestly stating that most of the good things in his life came from those decisions.

So I inevitably started thinking about my mistakes - my "awesome decisions" if you will. Eventually, if and when you decide to grow up, you start to let go of that harbored resentment and come to the conclusion that these "mistakes" were good for you - like medicine for the soul. Doesn't taste good, but it helps you more than hurts you.

Whether it was staying in a 14 month relationship a year too long, or not trusting someone enough. Maybe it was the phone call you didn't return, the funeral you missed, or the hearts you broke so selfishly, and then let your own break. over. and. over.

So then the thoughts took on their own life, and as I thought about some of the people I let in my life and break me down to my core, I was able to smile. A little. Even laugh. And this showed my growth as a person. I now viewed these people, not as the enemy, not as mistakes, but awesome decisions. Amazing people who pushed me to go after what I really wanted, who showed me how strong I never knew I could be. People who, if it weren't for their silly decisions, I would not be surrounded by the amazing people I have in my life now.

I went even further, and realized, I hope I'm someone's awesome mistake. Among those hearts out there, I hope someone can look back and smile when they think of me - and see that I made a difference. I know I impact peoples lives by doing good and right - but I hope along the way, I made a difference indirectly by not necessarily doing the best thing.

I talked to one of my "awesome mistakes" last night. He must have sensed something in the air that day - he's actually always had a knack for that. Contacting me at the most "interesting" times. It's like, he just, knows. (Except for those 3 months he fell off the face of the earth, like most guys, but that's another post) To protect the "not so innocent", we'll call him Shmolan (courtesy of m.a.) Yes, Shmolan called last night. For those who don't know, Shmolan is a friend; a friend of 6 years. In a nutshell, Shmolan loves me. Or at least he thinks he does. But Mr. Shmolan is always in a relationship - with someone other than me. Why? Why, if he loves me, does he date other people, you ask. Well, I have my own theories, but straight from Shmolan's mouth ( i love saying Shmolan), he claims I always ran from him. I believe, if you really want something, you can catch it, no matter how fast they are. And in my defense, Shmolan never professed his undying love or marriage plans for me until I was 2,000 miles away.

So in this conversation, Shmolan confesses to me that though he may be dating someone else, he considers himself to be settling but knows it would be selfish to ask me to come back. That's smart of you. I confess to Shmolan that I love my life in California and he should have thanked me for the Christmas gift I sent him. That was rude of him not to.

I informed him I was happy where I am and see no reason for me to ever move back to Texas. It ended with Shmolan telling me how awesome I am (go on) and that I'm the greatest girlfriend he's never had (told you he was just a friend).

Is that your way of telling me I'm your awesome mistake? Well, then, thank you.